do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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