one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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