I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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