next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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