My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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