You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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