I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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