I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
