I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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