imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
