i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
