There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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