I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
