And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
