I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
