My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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