im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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