nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Rumble strips road head = magical
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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