Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
