people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
