i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
