my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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