we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
