I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
