Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
