Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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