Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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