what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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