I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
