i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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