please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
