On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
