DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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