Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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