I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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