I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
