I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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