halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
