My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
