i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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