covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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