I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
