Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
