Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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