I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
