my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
