the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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