god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
