Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
