just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i dont even know how to be here
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
