I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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