so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.