I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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