I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
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