so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
