it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
