This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
