he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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