That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Small penises have feelings too.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
