Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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