As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
