i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I supernannyed him into submission
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
