Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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