I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
