It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
