I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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