I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
