Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
