this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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