no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sobbing to NWA
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
