Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
